Monday, January 23, 2012

Project Jennifer 2012

I decided 2012 would be known as Project Jennifer. I would be more social, get back into running shape, take my vitamins and have happy things happen to me. Because I've had enough of bad things.

On New Year’s Eve, I went to California Disney Adventure Park, Disneyland’s other park. Because it was so crowded at Disneyland, Disney offered a free day pass to use at Disneyland anytime in the month of January if you bought a one-day pass to Adventure Park. I was already planning to go to the Adventure Park, so that was a nice surprise. It wasn’t even 2012 and already good things were happening.

Then I got sick and had to go to the first aid center for medication. Then despite being sick, I ate a hot dog and went on a roller coaster—and got more sick. And on the roller coaster I lost my hair band.

Then I drove home at midnight down to San Diego in the deepest fog I’ve ever seen. My visibility was two feet. I’ve driven in blizzards with better visibility. I ended up accidentally driving off the freeway and onto an exit because I couldn’t see the road. I got back onto the freeway and drove 2 miles/hour until I found another car driving with its hazard lights on. So I followed him for 10 miles, but then he took off on another freeway. I was totally stuck. It was like driving through a cloud. I found my way down to a city and got off the exit, but couldn’t see anything. I drove right up to a brick wall because I didn’t even see it. I finally found a sign for a motel, which was super seedy.

But it said “Vacancy” and all I wanted was to wait out the fog.

I asked for a room, got to the room, only to discover it was occupied by squatters. So I went back to the front desk and said there were people in the room. The guy called the room and someone picked up. Obviously they aren’t intelligent squatters. He then called the police and I was just standing there wanting a room. I finally got a room only to find a prostitute in front of my room. So I had to go around her. Turns out she was in the room next to mine and had plenty of work to do…all night long. So I slept with the TV on. I was afraid to use the bathroom because I was afraid of getting an STD. It was gross.

The next morning I got back on the freeway and felt super sick. There was carnage and dead animals all over the freeway, obviously hit from people who couldn’t see them in the fog.

Welcome to 2012.

Then I got a phone call from NYC producers asking if I’d be interested in taking my case from small claims court, in which I am suing a guy over spilling liquid and breaking my laptop, to reality court TV. That is my dating life. Entertainment for the masses.
And I’ve been sick for 6 days straight.

I need to rename Project Jennifer. Any ideas?